It’s maddening to be an advocate for all things wellness and be sick… to passionately believe that a life well lived is a life of health (mental, physical, spiritual). So when my kidneys started to fail me, I found I had a couple of choices: live in fear or walk the talk I keep on telling people.

YOU are more than able to be the advocate for your health.

“How are you doing?” Fine.

Biggest mixed lie ever right there. I’m restless. I’m resting on Jesus. I’m depressed. I’m seeing joy in the little things. I’m bored. I’m finding purpose in the things I love.

I started to feel depression creep in. I’ve been applying Surrender oil like a back row Baptist constantly in need of repentance for all of these ups and downs. First step to healing for me was figuring out a protocol (Will share if you want details! Keeps the pain away!). This meant calling on others that had been here before. Then apply their wisdom. Leaning into my husband, literally. He has held me up through pain and used all of our Bradley method birthing techniques at the wee hours of the morning. Self care was next. I got up out of the bed and drove myself to my sister’s salon for a blowout and pampering. Thanks, sis for making me!

Then back home, I assessed what I could and could not do. Mr. Guess took over some things, and I’m not complaining if I never have to balance the checkbook again or do school drop off! Yes, I run a business with residual income, but my team is kicking it with some momentum right now. I’m not bowing out completely from that.

It’s okay to not be okay… But don’t be okay with not being okay. Got it? Ha! Let me unravel that for you. As sure as the sun will rise and set, it’s for sure that you will face trials in your life. Mortality, it’s inevitable. But do NOT just settle into those hard places and camp out Don’t pitch a tent to drown out your sorrows. Don’t complain to friends about all your troubles. Don’t discount your prayers and the prayers of others.

"Now, it’s just a kidney stone that’s been found. “Just” a kidney stone might be laughable irony for those that have been there. In the emergency room a week and a half ago, when the pain was worse than my 72 hour home birth, words like “severe inflammation, cyst, and flipped bowel” were being thrown around. Five narcotics in, and I was done. Take me home, Jesus. When the pain first hit, all I could repeat over and over was “God, you are able. You are able…” as my friend drove me home from our two hour road trip. Two weeks out, I’ll be back at the doctor. I’m believing that all of this will just dissipate. That the hard work being put into getting better will pay off.

I can’t not serve others, create, be a part of our church community, and care for my family. It’s ingrained in me. I’m not okay… but I will be. I’m not resting in the “not” but clinging to the ability of the one that carries me. Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. This is molding and growing areas that really needed to be tended to!

”Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need.Practice hospitality.” Romans 12: 12-13

What are you in the middle of that you’re not okay with? How can you fix it? Friend, it’s tough to pick yourself up by the bootstraps! Don’t you dare do it without resting first. Going gung-ho towards a problem with your own solution will drown you.