You can be surrounded at all times by people that love you. You can have enough self love to make a unicorn cry. But there’s only one true Love that fills the empty spaces in your crowded life and brings you to humble tears.
TIMELINE of Valentine’s
As a little girl… my Daddy sent flowers or balloons to the school. A sweet card always accompanied.
Dating in high school, dinner with the boyfriend of the month, surely there was a gift too.
As a single Momma, my unborn son left me a card on my pillow, 8 days before he was born. (I suspect my Dad is the culprit.)
Dating my first husband, he sent flowers via a friend while he was in Marine bootcamp.
Widowed on Valentine’s… Dad strikes again with a card both from him and my baby boy waiting at my front door.
Married, we have a sitter and celebrate, or dinner at home… always something.
I felt loved by the most important men of my life all along. Those words of love in cards carried many months and can still be pulled from boxes when I need a refresh. I can still hear my Papaws calling and saying “Oh, is it Valentine’s? If you don’t have one, will you be mine?”
Before your eyes roll all around in your head, hear me out. I might have been sure that I was loved via actions and words, but for most my life it wasn’t enough. I searched for guy after guy to fill a void. I went to shameful low places to just feel worth.
I know some of you would give anything to have your earthly Father love you, but instead carry the wounds of abuse and unspoken words. You’re a single Momma that wakes up to poopy diapers and an empty coffee canister. It’s up to you to fill up others, while your husband misses it (you!) over and over again. You could be looking at yourself, not in a relationship or the one that you’re in is such an unhappy place, thinking you don’t count on anyone… just unhappy and unloved.
I see you. I get it. Me too.
You won’t ever find your worth, searching for it in another person.
You won’t ever feel love like you were created to feel, outside of the one that created you.
Can you remember the last time you took a deep breath and were content? At peace? Always, for me, those moments are when I’m purposely thinking on my Father’s Love for me. Jolly and happy are forced and fought for in my every day. Emotionally needy is a constant label I would love to burn and bury. It comes with practice, recognizing that Creation is such an intricate gift. The breath in my lungs, so miraculously continuing.
”For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
Neediness led to sin consistently as promiscuity, a fancy word for “I am an empty shell of a person, looking for a physical feeling to sustain an spiritual absence.”
I’m writing this, keeping in mind that all might not see sexual sins the same. But lady, I see through it. I’ve believed that God was Creator, Jesus was Son who died and rose, and Holy Spirit was the one guiding me, since I was a little girl.
But that same little girl that just wanted to feel loved… and sought it in all the wrong places… I know what it’s like to wake up in guilt, go to sleep in shame, lay awake next to strangers thinking, “Well that didn’t solve a dang thing.”
An awakening happened when my pain (and the effect it had on others) moved to Truth… It’s said in the book of John that “He who loves his life will lose it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.”
What’s that? You love your life… the control that you have; the friends and men and things you know aren’t the best for you. Why would you give it up? Because despite it looking nice in a package, opened up and torn down, there’s a void for love.
Once again, I get it. I see you. Me too.
This Valentine’s Day, I so wanted to just tell you how to love your husband well and appreciate your marriage. But Truth led me once again to Surrender where I just knew the message that matters mostly is…. let the Lord love you.
When, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore!” at the frustration of your husband missing you… not pursuing you… seeing you unclothed yet un-pursued… and you’re ready to throw in the towel keeping you from complete nakedness, know this.
You are a Daughter of the King. I remember when a sweet old lady pointed that Truth out to me, Romans 8:17 “… and if children, then heirs.”
”Danielle, tell me, if God is King and you are heir.. what does that make you?”
Baffled, not quite understanding or feeling any worth or love. Just alone and shamed and done.
”You know, Danielle. A co-heir to the throne is a what?”
A Princess… (that can’t be right).
”Yes! You are a Princess! You have inherited the entire Kingdom of God! God is on the Throne! You’re still alive! The Holy Spirit is alive in you!”
Sister friend, I don’t know if sex is the filler you’re using for true love. I don’t know if it’s avoidance or immersing yourself in habits that are hurting you. Maybe your fight for love is coming at the cost of your children striving for perfection or pushing anyone away that gets close to you.
I do know that it’s all redeemable. It can all be taken care of at the start of surrender.
This Valentine’s Day, give yourself the gift of Love. Start with John 3:16. Begin with a prayer of surrender for all the expectations you’re placing on the person that can’t fill what’s missing. End with knowing that Christ gives grace to forgive.