"It is important to keep in mind that our bodies must work pretty well,
or there wouldn't be so many humans on the planet."
Ina May Gaskin
Lillie-Mae Elizabeth Guess was born at home, a planned natural birth, in the humid heat of August. It will forever be a landmark memory of something I dreamed about doing many years before she was born! God was faithful to carry me emotionally and physically through pregnancy and her birth! She was healthy, thriving, and continues to be one of three of God’s greatest blessings in my life! Here is her birth story…
The choice to birth at home was decided through many prayers, research, and finding the perfect midwife. My mind was set years before, not long after a hospital birth of my son that proved I could not again have the medicines administered for an induction or epidural. Natural birth or a planned c-section would be my safest options.
I thought in the state of Georgia home birth would be impossible, illegal even! Research and other moms stories led me to see it was possible, safe, and “life changing”.
One week. into pregnancy not long after a honeymoon trip, I just knew I a little baby was forming in my belly! I am uncertain if it was more of a physical or emotional feeling, but I knew I was pregnant. I did not count down the days to when I could take an early pregnancy test. But a month of knowing, two at home tests later, it was confirmed!
I quickly contacted the only person I knew that had a home birth. Her birth story of her second son in water at home gripped my heart and set the stage for the birth of my baby. I saw the midwife she used, and before the end of the meeting, I knew that Carolyn would be an excellent completion to my dream birth. Being a doula now, I’m still a big advocate for Mom’s dreaming big and fill them with all the confidence to pray for the best!
The one-hour visits to Carolyn monthly then weekly completely fulfilled my questions and fears. She was a mentor, counselor, and guiding voice in these unchartered waters. Every visit, she would check my weight and say “That’s great!” blood pressure “Perfect!” More than once I would ask if that was too much weight or too high of a blood pressure; her answer reminded me that pregnancies do not fit into a box. So what if my fundal height was 2 cm more than the norm or I hadn’t gained but one pound or ten in a couple of weeks. Carolyn saw the big picture; she was concerned with my health as well as the baby’s, and I trusted her.
A few weeks before my 40 week due date, Braxton hicks contractions started. I was so excited to start feeling signs of approaching labor! I knew the baby could come the next day or two weeks later. I continued to see a chiropractor and attend yoga sessions. I did not have discomfort throughout the pregnancy even up to this point; I attribute this to consistent chiropractic care. Yoga during pregnancy was relaxing, an escape to feel my body and it’s changes. I knew from other mom’s accounts that yoga provided great hip opening exercises, so I prepared this way!
The morning of August 9, 2012, a few days after her due date, I woke up at 5:45 sensing that something was about to take place. After sitting up in bed, I felt that I was sitting in a small puddle of wetness. (At this point, I began denying that I could be in labor). I went to the bathroom and saw blood tinged fluid. I was only a little excited, but still not ready to fall into labor patterns. My body and baby had other plans… A warm shower eased the contractions while I swayed to the rhythm of the rainfall outside. (I can’t help to mention that I love rainy days!) I was not ready to tell Chris, her Dad, that I was having “some” signs of labor. After an hour, through gritted teeth, I said I thought I maybe, might be in labor. Some coaxing from him allowed me to lay down to rest.
After two seconds I jumped out of bed and said I could never be on my back again! Now, I could say that I was having contractions but not full-blown labor. Chris asked me to time them, but that took my focus off of working through to the other side of the peak. So, he sat and stared, reading my body language while his contraction app was handy to take the time. I ate a couple of eggs, folded a load of laundry, and got ready for my scheduled midwife appointment at 9:00 am. Chris was confused as to why I would not call my midwife to tell her I was in labor. What I was not communicating to him was that I still had to go to Target and hang pictures! I needed the “putsy-putsy” stage of labor to motivate me through those tasks. I was not in labor enough.
As I walked through the door of my midwife’s home, she could tell that I was in labor. I asked her to check me so I could see how much time I had before the baby would be here. We had already talked about having checks throughout labor, and she did not think that I needed to be, but would upon my request. I was 4 cm. Great! Now, I had plenty of time to go to Target and maybe lunch after. As soon as I did the q-tip swab to see if the fluid was amniotic fluid, I could be on my way to run errands. The test proved my water had broken… It is my belief that my brain miscommunicated with my body that my excitement was not to have the baby arrive in 30 minutes, but that I wanted to look at the clearance baby girl clothes for her arrival.
"God, please guide my thoughts to seeing the face of Lillie-Mae!"
A 90 mph car ride home while I did not think that I could handle the being confined to one place was pretty intense. I believe I told Chris, “If you don’t start praying then my body is going to burst open.” At home, he started to prepare the birth bed until he was interrupted by my cry for “Help!” He joined my rhythm in the bathroom and held my body, silently whispering, “You’re really in labor and I believe transition.” My thoughts, “I guess that’s why I feel the need to push.”
The midwife assistant arrived, confirmed me to be ready to push but please not until Carolyn came. I firmly positioned myself on my hands and knees (to me, the most natural feeling position) and buried my head in the white sheets, pretending that they were part of the storm clouds outside. I didn’t know how to push, I couldn’t do this, what was I thinking… “God, please guide my thoughts to seeing the face of Lillie-Mae.” My Momma walked through the door of my house just as I was crying out for her. (I did not remember this until someone told me!) Mom and sister both joined around my body, and with everyone’s support, in between painful quick contractions I felt ready.
Carolyn was now saying, “Danielle I need you to take a deep breath and push.”
What relief! I could do this; I could push a baby out, without medication, and now without doubts. I could not wait for her to come! I gave it everything I had. My doula was whispering sweet things I don’t remember in my ear while keeping a cold washcloth on my neck. One push and I felt the “ring of fire” I had only heard about. To me, ten years later, I don’t remember that pain but in the moment it was the most intense feeling ever!
No one told me when to push- I went with my instincts. I was told that the gritted teeth, clenching up pushes I was giving would not bring her out. I had to go deep within myself physically and emotionally to bring her out. This looked (and sounded!) like a relaxed but determined body still on all fours, low moans, open chest and deep breaths. After fifteen minutes, my instincts told me that I could not do what was needed for Lillie-Mae to arrive. Later, I would hear that Carolyn had to pull her out from her head down to her hips. In a sense, she was “stuck” and born with both hands in fists beside her face. My feeling was correct! She came out with a “pop!” both in feeling and sound.
Once I laid down on my back, she was handed to me and I got to see her sweet face. She immediately started making mouth movements to nurse and latched right on!
Surrounded by my closest family, and wise caregivers, Lillie-Mae was safely brought earth side. In that moment though, heaven felt a little closer. All was right!
I knew from my previous birth and health that I would most likely bleed a lot, and would not be able to be given the normal medication to stop it. A little fear came as women were between my legs, helping the placenta out by pressing on my stomach during following contractions. A lot of prayer happened too as Lillie-Mae contentedly laid on my chest while I talked to her and her Daddy stroked her thick dark hair. The bleeding stopped, I was weak and shaking a lot from physical shock, but herbs and tinctures and whatever else they were doing calmed it all.
The umbilical cord stopped pumping the life-giving blood that connected me and her from the inside, and it was cut. She was fully her own now! I had a whole life to sustain! A baby girl! I wanted everyone to leave us alone and to eat a big meal. ;) My sweet Daddy brought me food, I ate in bed, not passing her off until the last bite was finished and someone asked if I would like to shower. I was helped into the hottest shower my skin could take as my Momma washed away the signs of birth from my naked body. Raw, vulnerable, full of bliss, and impatient to get back to my baby, I was so thankful!
Through it all, I can say that my homebirth was 100% fulfilling for Lillie-Mae and me. My expectations were thrown out the window, yet my research proved helpful on my journey. I could not have done it without support. Which leads me to advocate for this way to birth to all capable women. It takes strength, dedication, prayer, and God’s will to go against the grain. But what better outcome in birth than knowing that you did what was best for you and your baby?
The days following Lillie-Mae’s birth were full of issues nursing and a tinge of postpartum depression (that I didn’t know a name for until my next birth a year later when it was magnified). Going back to Lillie-Mae’s birth story kept me grounded enough to thank God, know that my body was capable, and that her life was a gift!
