Unpopular opinion: the pursuit of self-care or me-time won’t fulfill you. The thought behind “If I get away from my problems to fill my cup, THEN I can be what I need to be for my people.” If I could go back and expound on the things I’ve written about self-care, I would in a heartbeat. But with time and experience comes aching wisdom. Being the Mom that thought a trip to Target, a long bath, or just a trip to the potty alone during toddler years would fill the emptiness, I was wrong.
What are we filling up? What are we searching for? What will the result of that alone time be?
I remember the moment in time where I read the words of Jesus,
“And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.” in Mark 12:30.
I could agree with that for the most part! The “all” your…. heart, soul, mind, and strength part could use some work, because I definitely have a selfish side that likes to keep God out some things. Like bitterness towards someone who hurt me, sitcom binges, late alarms instead of time in the Word, and junk food eating habits (to name some minor heart issues). “Don’t bug me! I’m having ME time and want to hold onto these feelings!”
Then I read,
“And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:31
I slammed my Bible shut and said something along the lines of “Excuuuuse me, Lord. I know you come first but THEN my neighbor? What about me? Shouldn’t the pattern of instruction be Love God. Love on myself. THEN I could love my neighbor? You know, fill my cup up so it could pour out on others?”
If He had audibly responded, it would have come with a gentle sigh…
“Oh, child. I fill you up. You don’t fill yourself up. Your only focus should be loving me and I’ll give you all you need. Then you’ll turn that around and pour buckets out of what we got alone together onto loving your neighbor.”
When I’m in those long baths… I’m numbing out. When I take a trip to Target… I’m spending money to fill a void via comparison. When I just want to get alone with my girl friends for a cup of coffee… I’m seeking their insight into my problems first and venting my feelings.
That’s my heart. It was exposed as selfish in me-time. I had the world’s view of what it looked like to care for myself wrong and not aligned with the protective boundary of Love God first.
All those things… spending time with friends, bath, etc are not wrong. It’s the balance of “did I take this to the Lord first? Did I love Him and feel His pure love for me in return before I went on to other things to reflect what He had poured into me.”
This weekend and then next week I will be attending two different trips. One for work- a retreat with like minded, faith-filled women who will in fact pour into me on the business/ministry side of my life. Next week, I will be with a group of women from my church whom I am vulnerable with and also point me to the Lord. This is the “loving your neighbor part” both in how I am honest with these women and serve them through my story and also how they will for sure love me.
God time should come before me-time. That’s all I’m saying. The Word, God’s love, fills me up! Reading it daily is one of the ways I get to know who He is and therefore who I am to be able to carry out loving others. This makes all relationships better! My friends, kids, strangers… all the people get a better version of Danielle when I’m not so busy asking God “But what about ME?!”.
I do still love a good long bath, trip to Target, and pencil me in for a coffee chat weekly! But I find I’m doing less striving and talking about myself when God and I have had some good moments together.